scary

i like the things that have scared me: diving, snowboarding, teaching high school and going to work with CpC. here's hoping i have lots of scary days ahead.

still trying

so.....way back when, the title of this blog came from me sitting in a convention, trying to look interested. in an attempt to not lose my mind i wrote "try to pay attention" ,on what was probably a very important handout, about 100 times.

i was a bridesmaid last weekend for my cousin Heather, it was my grand finale as a bridesmaid, a final performance. during the rehearsal, the commissioner nicely, but firmly said to me "Heidi, try to pay attention". it caught me off guard because i thought i actually had been. in my head i thought, lady , I've been in enough weddings to know the drill. walk slow, walk slower, hold flowers at your waist, look up ( not at the flowers ), fix the wedding dress, smile, sign papers, look up again, still standing,still smiling, still looking at: the back of the bride, front of groom, the commissioner, the crowd and definitely not the flowers. and....finally walking out....after the happy couple.

i didn't need to pay attention, this one i got.

no title

my 45 second commute, and yes i drive, takes me past a new subdivision. tonight, in the comfortable darkness, i saw houses becoming homes. the lit up rooms filled with sawhorses, 2 x 4's, chop saws and, extensions cords made me smile. that happiness warmed me up.

there are 2 things that i love to do. build houses and create cakes. they are similiar. you take your pile of ingredients, a basic plan, ideas to figure stuff out and then you create.

give me a cement mixer, a kitchen aid mixer, hammer, oven, flour, insulation, cocoa, hurricane ties and bucket of nails and i'm a happy girl. i long to create and do. it makes me feel alive.

resolutions

so....i'm in complete new years resolution panic. it is now safe to say that i have successfully kept a new years resolution for the first time in my life. i did not dye my hair at all this year. as a result i have lots of thoughts spinning around in my head.

here are some of them:

wow....what power/willpower i didn't know i had, i need to do this again
what should i do
something meaningful, to me
it's easier to not do something, than do something
what should i not do
not drink coffee, too easy
not watch tv, too popular and i can take it or leave it anyways
not watch tv, and write about it
decorate a cake a week, again, its hard to do something
not eat sugar 3 days a week, ugh....the numbers things is hard
back to the tv thing, not watch it, maybe this is the one.
i only have a few days to decide,
of course my resolution could start on Jan 6th, why not,

as usual.....

as ususal.....i have lots of stuff i plan to write here, unfortunately only about 2.2% of it gets here.

but....as usual....my life can be pure comedy, on Saturday night when i was on the ferry coming over to the island, a lady asked me if i was the chief stewards wife, i'm sure i had one my most confused looks ever. as i desparately tried to figure out what part of my current state led her to ask that question, my not so great at multitasking brain, continued to answer her questions. no, i'm not married to anyone who works on the boat, no, i don't work for BC ferries, and finally that question that answered it all....i got this bag from the gift shop. you can go buy something and have one as well. she then continued her query. how much longer will we be on the boat? why are you going to you car? should i be going to my car? blah....blah...blah...and i smiled and walked away.

boys are good

had a "boy" in the house this week. boys are good to have around. girls need them. it's a good thing.

Today was hard. I sat with the same face that was all messy 15 years ago. I love that girl Sara.